


If You Could Only See

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was sad that even though he loved her, married her, something inside him still felt as if she was against him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Could Only See

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to The Angry Itch. Thank you to resurrectionofannabellee for making me think about this even more than I already was.

“Would you like some popcorn?” Dave knocked on the half open bedroom door, poking his head into the room. He didn’t step into her personal space. “It’s still warm.”

“It smells heavenly.” Erin looked up from her tablet. She managed a smile.

“I sprinkled some of that chili cheese flavored powder on it that you love so much. I might also have a beer in my hand.”

“Then get in here, David Rossi.”

It had been three days since Erin began sleeping in a separate bedroom. The couple had fought before, even slept separately, but something about this time was different for Dave. He knew he’d been the one in the wrong but had no idea how to fix it. The times before when it seemed that the problem fixed itself that really wasn’t the case. It was always Erin; putting in the work, swallowing her pride, smoothing things over. 

Dave realized he needed to step up where his marriage was concerned. In the early days he always had Erin’s back. He was gone for work a lot but when he was home, she was the center of his world. He massaged her feet and held her on the couch. He would run her hot baths or take her for long drives on the weekends. 

Like most relationships, the more they settled in the more Dave slacked off. Work consumed him. When he wasn’t working he was writing or lecturing or chasing down the perfect car. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent quality time with his wife. Not sex or anything like that, but just time. 

When was the last time he asked Erin about her day? When was the last time that Dave made a surprise dinner reservation or took her out to buy shoes or books? When was the last time he declined a speaking engagement so they could just be together? He wasn’t perfect, he was well aware of that. He just had to figure out how to get their marriage back on even ground. 

For the past three days, Dave stepped back. He let Erin have her space and didn’t press for immediate reconciliation. He made sure to ask her about things but not to push it. Was she alright? Did she need anything? Did she want him to run her bath or make her a snack? 

Dave would knock and say goodnight to her. He gave up Mudgie, who left him on the first night anyway, without another complaint. He left Erin notes in the morning saying to have a nice day and that he loved her. He was the problem this time, and probably other times in the past. He was the one who needed to be the solution.

“I thought you might like a snack before bed.” He came in and handed her the bowl of popcorn. He put the cold bottle of Stella Artois on the nightstand. Rethinking, Dave went over to the dresser and grabbed one of the coasters Erin kept there. He didn’t want to damage the cherry oak. “You’ve been up here working for hours.”

“Not working.” Erin shook her head. “Well, I was but then I got online and started playing Words with Friends. My mother is kicking my ass. After that, it was mah jongg. It helps me come down at night.”

“I don’t want to be a bother; I’ll leave you to it.” Dave smiled. “I think I'm going to call it a night myself.”

“Do you want to stay and share with me?” she asked. “I don’t think it’s fair that I consume all of these calories on my own.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Erin nodded.

She scooted over on the bed and Dave sat down. For a while they didn’t speak. She was resting against the pillows and his back was to her as they ate popcorn and just listened to the sound of the rain outside. The room was quiet but it wasn’t uncomfortable as it had been for days. Erin was trying to find something to say to him; it had never been this difficult before. 

They fought, they made up, and life went on. Dave stepped over a line this time and Erin was quite angry. But it was more than anger, she was sad. She was sad that even though he loved her, married her, something inside him still felt as if she was against him. 

He felt as if she was someone he had to defy and even rail against. She was his enemy. How did you lie in bed every night next to your enemy? Erin suspected that Dave had it all worked out in his own head. Inside of hers a storm was brewing.

“Dan Payton called me yesterday.” Dave turned to look at her. “He invited us up on Sunday for a polo match. Since we’re both off work I thought maybe we could drive up Saturday afternoon. We could shop, have some dinner, and stay at that bed and breakfast you love so much.”

“Seriously?”

“I know how much you love polo. It’s been too long since we’ve spent time together as a couple. Sure, we do it here…we live here. I thought it might be nice to do it somewhere else.”

“It sounds nice.” She conceded.

“Shall I call him and accept?” Dave asked.

“OK.”

“OK.” Dave nodded.

They went back to the silence. Anything Dave wanted to say sounded wrong in his head. I'm sorry just didn’t begin to cover it. He'd tried that route and failed miserably. And his ‘apology’ still put the focus on him. For a writer, he was definitely suffering from lack of proper thought at the moment. Sighing, he pulled a small piece of stationery from his pocket.

“I wrote you a note.” He gave it to her, taking the beer that Erin handed him. “I was waiting for you to go to the bathroom or something silly like that so I could leave it on your pillow.”

“What's it say?” Erin asked.

“I may not know a lot of things but I do know it doesn’t work that way.” He shook his head.

“Well how does it work, Rossi?”

“I write and you read. Well, you read if you want to.”

Erin opened the note, which was folded into a square. She closed her eyes before looking at the words. _I love you. I'm sure I should be saying something more articulate but that’s what I know for sure. You're sleeping away from me and its agony but I hope you're having sweet dreams anyway. I’ll see you in the morning. Dave_. Folding it again, Erin slipped it into the pocket of her tablet cover. She looked at her husband.

“I give it three and a half stars...one of your better works.” She smiled.

“I want you to forgive me.” He said. “Even more than that, I want to do something to deserve the forgiveness. I hurt you, Erin, and I know that and I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you what I was thinking when I lashed out at you but I can't. I was angry; it’s not always easy to articulate where those feelings came from. 

“I felt like you were telling me that I couldn’t hack it. I wanted to fight against that. So I attacked you. I want to tell you that it’s never going to happen again. Something in me knows that’s not true. But I know that if I fuck up then I need to fix it. I fucked up this time. This is me, trying to fix it.”

“There's no magic fix to anything, least of all something like this.” Erin said. “But we have to start somewhere.”

“I miss you in our bed.” Dave said.

“I hope that you miss more than my body, David.”

“I absolutely do.”

“This time, the distance, has been good for me. I have a lot to think about and the space allowed for that.”

“You’ve even got the dogs to keep you company. I've got _Sportscenter_.”

“I’ll tell Mudgie to sleep with you tonight.” Erin said. She couldn’t bring herself to feel guilt over the dog desertion.

“You'd have to force him.” Dave smirked and looked at his retriever. “He left me in the middle of the night to come in here. It was cold but I forgive him.”

“And I forgive you, David. You're not an old man but you're not a young one either. I know you want to take down every bad guy who ever harms a soul. I admire and love that about you. I'm your wife and I always plan to put your wellbeing ahead of your quest to rid the world of evil. I know we try to keep work and home separate but when it comes to that, I am one woman. Even if the reasons aren't the same.”

“I know.” he nodded. “I should be remembering how lucky I am that someone gives a damn instead of pushing that one person away.”

“Lots of people give a damn about you.” Erin caressed his cheek. “I just got roped into marrying you.”

“Roped in?” he put his hand over his heart. “That hurts. My recollection is that you proposed to me…sort of.”

“There was an engagement ring in the safe. You bought it when the ink was dry on my divorce. That was the story I heard.”

“I should’ve never told you that.” Dave shook his head.

“Kiss me please.” Erin said.

That was something Dave didn’t have to think twice about. He started and didn’t want to stop. Erin was gentle when she put him back over the line.

“I need to get some sleep. I have meetings at the Justice Department in the morning.”

“Are you going to come back to our room?” he asked.

“I think it’s better for me to stay here for the rest of the week.”

“We already spend so much time apart.” Dave stopped just short of whining. There was nothing manly about that.

“We’ll be together this weekend.” Erin smiled. “I'm looking forward to it.”

“Me too, Erin.” He took her hand. “I want to make things right. I want to do that for you because I don’t think I tell you enough, or even acknowledge, that you're a wonderful wife. You're a great woman and while we’re not always going to see eye to eye I never need to come at you from a place of disrespect again. I need to be better than that because you deserve it as my colleague and definitely as my wife.”

“Old dogs can learn new tricks, Rossi.” She squeezed his hand. “I'm your superior by the way.”

“With enough reinforcement, positive or otherwise, I will get on the right page.”

Dave smiled as she leaned to kiss him again. Any time Erin’s lips touched his it left him wanting; this time was no different. After the kiss they held each other for a little while. That felt nice, just to breathe with her and take in the same energy. One of the best things about their relationship was that their energy was so good for each other. 

When Dave was pressed or worried, Erin could bring him down. When Erin couldn’t focus or needed a breather, Dave was right there to help her get where she needed to be. He knew that she wanted her space right now but holding onto her only made Dave miss her more. As much as it hurt, he let go first.

“Should I take the popcorn bowl?” he asked.

“I've eaten much more than you. You can finish it…leave the beer though.”

“You got it. Canines, give me love.”

Erin laughed as Dave held out his arms. Both Mudgie and Scruff jumped up to love him though they made no other move to leave Erin’s side. Dave stood up from the bed and walked to the door.

“Sweet dreams, baby.”

“You too. Do you want me to wake you in the morning?”

Dave hated alarms. Most of the time when he was home, Erin woke him. He would usually sleep right through her alarm. The older he got, the heavier he slept. At least that was true in the comfort of his own home. 

When he didn’t have to be Mr. BAU, Dave was a different individual in so many ways it was mind boggling. Erin Strauss loved David Rossi. It was the other guy she was working out some issues with. Could it be that he would finally admit to having some? That would the first time in a 30 year acquaintance.

“I would truly appreciate that. I overslept yesterday and this morning. Thanks.”

“You're welcome.” She nodded. “I love you; goodnight.”

“Love you too.” Dave turned, blew her a kiss, and then left the bedroom. 

It was going to be another lonely night in bed but he would get through it. This weekend they were going to be together; he planned to make the most of it. Dave wasn’t going to make it about sex. He would make sure Erin had the best time. 

His focus would be 100% on her. If she wanted sex, he could certainly provide. If she didn’t, then Dave was fine with that as well. He just wanted her in his arms…that’s what he missed the most. He missed waking up sometimes and she was breathing beside him. 

He missed fighting the dogs for the right to get close to her. He missed her. From the first moment that Erin came to his bed again, into his life, Dave didn’t want to let go. He didn’t know why at the time. He fought those feelings, but they won. They were still winning every day.

Erin closed out one game of mah jongg and opened another. This would be it before turning in for the night. Sinking back into the comfort of her bed, she focused on the tiles. She sipped her beer and relished the warmth of her dogs next to her. 

She didn’t know what was going to happen this weekend, but she wouldn’t fight reconciling with Dave. Erin wanted him to see; she wanted him to try. If he was going to do that then they could begin again. It was never going to be easy but this time it was going to work. 

Erin wasn’t going to fail. She wasn’t going to let Dave fail them. No one ever said that a marriage wasn’t hard work. Erin just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t working alone. Together they could accomplish anything, including all of this.

***


End file.
